All in the Waiting
by mjmariano
Summary: Ephram leaves Everwood for New York, but he doesn’t get far before a home he didn’t know he had calls him back.


Summary: Ephram leaves Everwood for New York, but he doesn't get far before a home he didn't know he had calls him back. Rating: G A/N: Please Review! And yes, I know it's nothing but pure angsty sap. Title inspired by T.S. Eliot's East Coker. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________  
  
All in the Waiting  
  
By Molly Franken  
  
Surreal. Yes, that was the perfect word to describe the feeling: utterly surreal. He had only lived in Everwood for a few months, but still, the place had become familiar. He knew each step of the stairway, exactly how many and how wide. The kitchen table and chairs he could find blind folded and the refrigerator in pitch black. But was it home? He wasn't sure. That's why he was going back to New York- to find out.  
  
Ephram slammed his suitcase shut and locked it firmly. He took a long last look around his room. It was perfectly clean, every book, sheet, pillow, picture in place. It was the perfect way to leave it: like he had never been there.  
  
Amy said maybe she'd come. He hoped she wouldn't. If she stood on the steps, waving goodbye, he was bound to feel guilty. And what had he done? Why should he feel guilty? She always made him feel like he had committed some great sin. God forbid he fall in love with pretty, smart Amy Brown. No, not lowly Ephram Brown, who would never measure up to Collin Hart. Well maybe he'd never be good enough, but you know what? He didn't care. Not a bit.  
  
He pushed the angry thoughts of her out of his head. Heaving his suitcase off the bed, Ephram lugged it awkwardly downstairs, banging the walls and his shins all the way.  
  
Delia's voice carried into the living room from the kitchen. "See, Nonna, isn't that cool?"  
  
"Oh yes dear," Nonna replied. "Wait- Delia, you've got to..."  
  
Gran was nowhere to be seen. Amy was either not coming or had not arrived.  
  
And his dad was sitting on the sofa, head in his hands, and still.  
  
Ephram put the suitcase down with a soft thud. His dad didn't move. He cleared his throat. Nothing. He walked up to him and waited. Nope, still nothing. "Um, Dad, are you... are you mad at me? For leaving, I mean."  
  
"Mad?" said Andy Brown while he raised his head slowly. "No, Ephram."  
  
His dad was still wearing the same clothes as last night. He hadn't changed or slept, and it showed in the shadows under his eyes and the rough haggard tone of his voice. A slight bit of guilt was sneaking up on Ephram, but he quickly grabbed at it and shoved to back of his mind.  
  
"Ephram, if New York's ever not where you want to be, please... come back immediately."  
  
Ephram nodded. He didn't know quite what to say to that.  
  
Dr. Brown stood up and handed Ephram an envelope. "Some reading material for the car or the plane, in case you get bored."  
  
Gran came inside and approached them. "Ready, Ephram?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" Ephram answered, though only to himself.  
  
*^*^*^*  
  
The car ride to the Denver airport was absolutely quiet. Gran stared at the road, Nonna stared at her book, and Ephram stared out the window. And Ephram was totally unused to silent car rides. Delia was always talking about school or Magilla or something some kid said on the playground. And his dad, well, he usually had a comment or sagely wisdom on everything.  
  
He looked at the envelope his dad gave him. Should he? Or maybe it'd be better to wait till they were on a plane en route to New York. Curiousity got the better of him and he tore it open.  
  
Dear Ephram, I hope I'm making the right decision letting you go. I can't help but think of what your mother would do, and then I remember that she'd never be in this situation in the first. She was an amazing mother and I understand how next to her I am not much of a parent at all. But I'm trying, please know that. The other night, when you came home drunk from the party, I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. You have no idea what it's like, seeing your son come home intoxicated in a squad car for the first time. I was scared. I should have asked you why you did it before I began to yell. Yet another failing on my part. I hate the fact that I can't get it right. And I hate that you've got to leave. You're a piece of me and a piece of your mother. In a way it's like loosing Julia all over again, only worse, because I'm losing you too, and I had no idea it would be so excruciating. I moved us to Everwood so that I could begin to live my life without regrets, but I didn't realize that I have so many from these past months. There is one thing I regret most of all: that I have not told you that I love you every day of your life. It takes courage to admit to someone how much you care about them, and I hate to say that I've never been what you'd call courageous. Ephram, I love you. For every one of the 5743 days you been on this earth, I love you. - Dad  
  
Ephram folded the wrinkled letter and gazed at it. It was the best kind of letter to get. The ink was a bit smudged in places, and it was hand written on notebook paper. And the writing was smeared by what was probably water droplets or tears. The letter was real and honest and forthright. There wasn't any fancy, elaborate handwriting to disguise any pain or unpleasantness or anger or sincerity behind them.  
  
Okay, so maybe his dad didn't wake every morning and plan how to make his son's day miserable.  
  
The hardest thing about reading that letter was that for the first time he couldn't ignore how selfish he'd been. Damn. He hated being wrong.  
  
New York City didn't seem so appealing all of a sudden. He didn't really have that many good friends. Not like the Amy. He didn't want to disappoint Gran and Nonna, but they'd get over it.  
  
"Gran... we've got to turn around."  
  
"Have you forgotten something?"  
  
"Gran, Nonna, I want to go home, back to Everwood."  
  
*^*^*^*  
  
Andy Brown thought he was dreaming. That couldn't be Ephram's voice. No, Ephram was well on his way to New York by now.  
  
But there he was, his son, standing right in front of him. It wasn't possible. God couldn't be that good, could He?  
  
"Ephram? Why are you...? What?"  
  
Ephram gave him a quiet half smile. "I got halfway up there and realized I'd forgotten my family back in Everwood. I couldn't exactly move to New York without you guys." Andy swept his son up into a hug. The feeling was beyond description.  
  
"I always thought you were courageous."  
  
The words were a balm to his heart. "Ephram, what are you doing next Sunday?"  
  
"Um, nothing," Ephram replied in puzzlement.  
  
"How'd you like to go see the Denver Symphony play next week?"  
  
~Finis~ 


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